Clearing the Fog

This thing called brain fog must be from the pit of hell. I can never wish it on my worst enemy. It is so inconvenient and annoying. I’m glad it's being talked about more openly now to prepare the younger generation. But how can you even prepare for something you can’t predict or anticipate? For those fortunate enough not to have ever experienced it, I will share our story.

              As I once mentioned in an earlier blog, just before I turned 50, many strange things began to happen to me physically. I didn’t understand it and didn’t have a name for it. Eventually, I got to find out that it was called perimenopause. Until then, I had never, ever heard the word. I became so forgetful and mentally slow that I thought I had dementia. I was totally convinced that I mentioned it during one of my health checks.

What is brain fog? The AI definition I received was so accurate that I’m almost having a meltdown of joy because “someone” understands what I’ve been going through daily. Let me share the explanation I received.

“Brain fog is a term people use to describe feeling mentally ‘cloudy’ or less sharp than usual. It isn’t a medical diagnosis (why not?) but a collection of symptoms affecting thinking and concentration.” Common experiences include;

·       Difficulty concentrating or staying focused.

I can absolutely identify with this first symptom. These days, I have to read things out loud so my ear can hear and help my brain to get it. If something is scrolling on television, I must pause it to have enough time to process the information. It didn’t use to be like this before. In the past, I could skim through information and understand it all the first time. Not anymore. It almost feels like a handicap.

·       Forgetfulness – eg Names, Appointments or Why I Entered a Room.

You can’t understand this frustration unless you’ve gone through it. Sometimes, even names of work colleagues will suddenly disappear mid-sentence. It’s one of those awkward moments when you are left trying to wing it and grappling for a lifeline to carry on the conversation sensibly. Your mouth keeps talking, but your mind is trying to connect. I remember when my friend Moji in Lagos called to ask me if I had been able to get the details of a pastor to help pray for her sister-in-law in Essex. I went quiet for a long moment, trying not to panic because I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. It took an eternity for my brain to catch up. It just seemed like I had a jungle of information in my mind and I needed time to sort through it. Sometimes I bang my head with my fists, the way they do in children’s cartoons, trying to see if the motion would jog my memory. It hasn’t worked so far.

·       Difficulty Finding Words or Expressing Oneself.

I think this is one of the most frustrating symptoms of brain fog. You can be in the middle of a conversation and need a particular word, but your brain becomes incapable of supplying it. You talk around the word you’re looking for. Similar alternatives may come to mind, but they’re not the exact word you want. For example, I remember writing an email to one of our volunteers. I wanted her to contact someone to help complete an assignment. I needed to ask her to “liaise” with the person. The word completely disappeared from my vocabulary. I tried other similar phrases, such as “contact with”, “speak with”, “correspond with”, etc. In the end, I had to use a thesaurus to identify the exact word I was looking for.

My joy knew no bounds when my friend Moji told me she was suffering the same way I was. I’m ashamed to admit that I was so happy and relieved, feeling almost vindicated. Moji is a first-class engineer in my estimation, and you don’t mess with her. She, however, confessed that lately, whenever she was discussing important work issues, some industry-related vocabulary would disappear. I was smiling so broadly as she was telling me (over the phone), feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Another brainiac in my office is Benny; she never forgets anything. One day while sitting beside her in a meeting, I saw her writing down some points on a piece of paper. It was her new strategy in ensuring that she didn’t forget anything. I quickly adopted her method.  

·       Feeling Mentally Slow or Muddled

One of the impacts of living with brain fog is the gradual loss of confidence in one's mental abilities. I will never ever volunteer to do anything requiring mental energy except if I’m dragged in kicking and screaming. Unfortunately, the other day, I could not escape. It was in Church, on a Friday evening during our youth club meeting. The youth challenged the teachers to a game; a bible quiz requiring rapid quick-fire responses. The rule was that the first to give the correct answer got the point. As long as I live, I will never ever play that game again.

As soon as the question was read out, while I was still trying to process it, those little brats would shout out the answer. I knew almost all the answers but my response time was too slow. I was left in a daze, mumbling the answer 5 hours after it had been said. My saving grace was when there were some very difficult questions that they didn’t know. I was able to show off my superior Bible knowledge then. One hard question was, “Mention the overweight king in the Book of Judges”. No one knew the answer except moi; Eglon was the name. One of the youth looked at me and said, “Aunty, you are very smart.” Of course I’m smart, I gloated secretly in my heart.  That experience made me realise how bad things were. It became obvious that I had lost my cutting edge, but I wasn’t about to give up yet. As the daughter of the King, I knew how to win the battle.

·       Difficulty Making Decisions or Processing Information

I haven’t noticed any changes in my ability to make decisions, except maybe that I take my time. Difficulty processing information has definitely been part of my life lately, especially when I am reading. The best way to absorb new information is to read things slowly out loud, over and over again if necessary. It seems like allowing my ear to hear my mouth speak helps my brain to understand. When I am reading, I have to slow down considerably. I remember being on social media the other day, and there was a silly quiz. It said, “Prove me wrong, there are only two words in English that have two oo’s: flood and book.” Even in my dumbest state, I would know that was not true. At that moment, however, I could not think of any other words that had 2 o’s. It was as if my brain froze and couldn’t think of anything. It really upset and frustrated me because I knew there were many “oo” words.

It is a bit of a relief that the final two symptoms have not affected me at all, ie Becoming Easily Distracted and Feeling Unusually Mentally Tired.

Brain fog is just one of the symptoms of menopause. I have been told that one day menopause will end, although no one has assured me yet that my body will return to normal. I have also been told that the hot and cold flushes, night sweats and insomnia will end one day. My only question is what about the brain fog?

I have decided I am not waiting for my physical body to dictate things to me. I’m grabbing the bull by the horns. My latest strategy is taking everything in prayer to my Father in heaven, who happens to be God Almighty, the Creator of all things (including my body). I look for all the relevant promises of God in the Bible and speak them over myself. Some of my favourite scriptures are;

Is 40:29 “He giveth power to the faint, and to them that have no might, He increaseth strength”.

This scripture is a perfect example of my life. I am faint, faint in memory, faint in clarity, faint in speed. I pray and ask Him to give me the power He has promised me. I ask Him to increase my strength in all these areas.

Another scripture I pray with is Heb 4:12 “For the Word of God is quick, and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword ….”

I love reading the word of God so I rationalise that since it passes through my brain, it will transform my brain. As I use my brain to read the word of God, it will make it quick, powerful and sharp.

Another scripture I pray with is “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

I have a sound mind and not a foggy mind. I have a sound mind and not a slow confused mind. I have the mind of Christ, and in Him dwells all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

I speak these words over myself daily and I am beginning to see results. My brain has begun to respond quicker to my senior moments. The missing word now pops out within half an hour or less. Trust me, that’s a fantastic record for us. You normal people might not understand, and that’s okay.

Have I got some sisters out there?

Please share your story too :)

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